Thursday, September 07, 2006

Simple Creatures?

I got a chuckle out of this one. My cousin sent me this humorous e-mail a long time ago. I don't know who the author is or where it comes from. My comments are in parenthesis "()".


What do you expect from such simple creatures!?

-Your last name stays put.
(Nowadays, you can add a hyphen[-] to add your wife's)
-The garage is all yours.
(Unless he puts the Playstation there. Then I'd never leave!)
-Wedding plans take care of themselves. (This one true most of the time.)
-Chocolate is just another snack. (Not lately.)
-You can be president.
(Good thing, we don't really need a gal up there do we?)
-You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
(What if you don't match?)
-You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park. (Dang it!)
-Car mechanics tell you the truth. (You mean I didn't need that replaced?)
-The world is your urinal.
(Um that's, like, icky or something.)
-You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too 'icky'. (See?)
-You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. (Righty tighty!)
-Same work, more pay. (Time for another job gals.)
-Wrinkles add character. (So does botox)
-Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100. ($5000.00 for one day? Yikes!)
-The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. (How attractive.)
-New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. (Unless you cross dress...which, um, I hope not.)
-One mood, ALL the time. (Not ALL the time dang it! ...What did you say!?!)
-Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. ("Hi...uh dude...ok...bye.")
-A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
-You can open all your own jars. (I know...thanks!)
-You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. (True, we should do it regardless though.)
-If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. (Crazy how guys aren't 'drama' like that.)
-Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. (Oh, saves money.)
-Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. (Sneakers with everything, huh!)
-You almost never have strap problems in public. (Unless you play in a baseball team.)
-You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. (Now that's funny!)
-Everything on your face stays its original color. (Come on now. I've seen some of you wear eyeliner!)
-The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. (Unless you sport a mullet. But then again, the 80's are coming back!)
-You only have to shave your face and neck.
(Oh, and we hate you for that.)
-You can play with toys all your life. (You can? Cool! My turn!)
-Your belly usually hides your big hips. (Guys have hips?)
-One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
(Well, true...that is pretty simple.)
-You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. (Unless you really need a tan.)
-You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. (I'd like to see that under a microscope. No, really I would!)
-You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. (And the choice to scratch us with it too.)
-You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes. (Aw, how thoughtful.)

No wonder men are happier!


The Yepiz Zone said...

-Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

So true. I like to keep it simple and with an objective. I'd rather talk with a Large corporation supporting cup of Starbuck's coffee.

-You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

I don't even know what an iron is for!

-You can play with toys all your life

I'm still waiting for my Gettysburg figurines so that I can re-enact the battle for my class while I play with all the canons, soldiers, and ridges. Awesome. Men Rule!

I'm so glad I married an old fashion gal like you. You really know how to appreciate masculinity and you never try to make us into some metrosexual/ryan seacrest/ ambercrombie feminist man. You are..

Mea bellus Uxor

trazomfreak said...

I liked: The world is your urinal.
That is so cool. (And "icky".) :D

When I think of a "man" I think of Mel Gibson in Braveheart. (It also helps that he's handsome too.) :P

...But you're a "man" too. And thank God for that.

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