Simple Creatures?

I got a chuckle out of this one. My cousin sent me this humorous e-mail a long time ago. I don't know who the author is or where it comes from. My comments are in parenthesis "()".

WHY MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

What do you expect from such simple creatures!?

-Your last name stays put. (Nowadays, you can add a hyphen[-] to add your wife's)
-The garage is all yours. (Unless he puts the Playstation there. Then I'd never leave!)
-Wedding plans take care of themselves. (This one true most of the time.)
-Chocolate is just another snack. (Not lately.)
-You can be president. (Good thing, we don't really need a gal up there do we?)
-You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. (What if you don't match?)
-You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park. (Dang it!)
-Car mechanics tell you the truth. (You mean I didn't need that replaced?)
-The world is your urinal. (Um that's, like, icky or something.)
-You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too 'icky'. (See?)
-You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. (Righty tighty!)
-Same work, more pay. (Time for another job gals.)
-Wrinkles add character. (So does botox)
-Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100. ($5000.00 for one day? Yikes!)
-The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. (How attractive.)
-New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. (Unless you cross dress...which, um, I hope not.)
-One mood, ALL the time. (Not ALL the time dang it! ...What did you say!?!)
-Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. ("Hi...uh huh...yeah....cool dude...ok...bye.")
-A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. (Lucky!)
-You can open all your own jars. (I know...thanks!)
-You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. (True, we should do it regardless though.)
-If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. (Crazy how guys aren't 'drama' like that.)
-Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. (Oh, well...it saves money.)
-Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. (Sneakers with everything, huh!)
-You almost never have strap problems in public. (Unless you play in a baseball team.)
-You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. (Now that's funny!)
-Everything on your face stays its original color. (Come on now. I've seen some of you wear eyeliner!)
-The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. (Unless you sport a mullet. But then again, the 80's are coming back!)
-You only have to shave your face and neck. (Oh, and we hate you for that.)
-You can play with toys all your life. (You can? Cool! My turn!)
-Your belly usually hides your big hips. (Guys have hips?)
-One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. (Well, true...that is pretty simple.)
-You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. (Unless you really need a tan.)
-You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. (I'd like to see that under a microscope. No, really I would!)
-You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. (And the choice to scratch us with it too.)
-You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes. (Aw, how thoughtful.)

No wonder men are happier!