Monday, June 19, 2006

Being the Change I NEED to See


Wasn't it Ghandi who said, "Be the change you want to see in the world"?

Well, two very small things happened to me today that are insignificant to you but HUGE in my book.

One: For the first time since I got married in 2003, the teacher called me by my married name when she was giving attendance. (It took me a while to change it...all that unnecessary paperwork, photo ID's, ect!) I had a stupid smile on my face for a long time. And of course, as Alex warned me, she didn't pronounce it correctly. She pronounced Yehpezz instead of Yepeeze.

Two: After class I was heading to work. I was hungry. I was about to head to Jamba Juice for a Bright-Eyed Blueberry with a protein boost but knew that it wouldn't sustain me for however long I was to stay working. I went to Panda Express and ordered and sat by myself to eat. I think the last time I ate by myself in public was in jr high school. It felt weird but you know what?...I survived!

Changing my name was fine, it just took to long but being by myself? All this because of fear. And fear of change. (Geeze! What's going to happen when I get in my elderly years?) I'm stubborn, yes, but I don't like change. I don't like risk. I don't like routine. And as a result, I haven't experienced much and missed out on a lot of opportunities.

And when it comes down to it...it's so hard to for me to break what is familiar. To break away from your comfort zone. I've struggled with that forever and I will continue to find it hard not to change. It seems like I will always continue to choose that road as much as I try not to.

And hopefully my huge experience today will change all that.

5 comments:

The Yepiz Zone said...

Mispronounciation and how did it feel being called last and with all the asians?

Welcome to my world.

LOL!

Tiff said...

Yay for change and yay for growing!! I hear you on that eating alone thing. I think this last year I have done so many things alone that I'm not afraid of it anymore. But until now I had just about never done anything alone. I think I could go to the movies alone now if I wanted to. Anyways the Ghandi quote (which I happen to love) is just like the song "Man in the Mirror" by MJ (don't laugh at me, he created some great pieces of art in his prime).

trazomfreak said...

Alex: Yeah, I know. I panicked for a second when they were calling the "M" last names because I though, "Oh, shoot! Did they skip me?"

Tiff: Yes, but I gotta tell ya...it was hard! I feel better now. I hope I continue. I agree with you on MJ. I've always thought he was great. Too bad now.

urBenLA said...

i don't read you blog enough. I also have trouble with people pronouncing my last name. John's known me for years and he still calls me whatever comes out of his mouth. you could ask him 3 times and it would sound different each time.

Another funny thing is Carey always has to spell out her first and last name for everything since we got married.

trazomfreak said...

Thanks Ben. I now understand the frustration. I remember when I first learned how to pronounce your last name. (Ha! Actually, I didn't know how at first because John had metioned it to us and it sounded much different than what it really is!)

Fortunately for me, I can always try to conteract the mis-pronounciation by placing an 'accent' over the "E". But sometimes it's hard to do so on some computer programs, ect.

I can see why Carey has to spell both...they both have unique spellings! But that's okay...who says we have to have "common" names anyway?

I couldn't wait to change my common maiden last name. (Gomez) Now, I feel kinda unique despite the headache.

I'm sure it feels kinda cool that nobody has your name when they call your name off a list.

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