Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Headlines From The Year 2029

This is from one of those things that you send to annoy a billion people on their e-mail. Since it is the last day of January 2007, I felt it was fitting to post one last "New Year" funny.

-Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

-Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

-Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

-Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

-Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the AmericanTerritory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon)

-Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

-France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

-Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

-George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

-Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

-85 years, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

-Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

-Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

-Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

-Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals, violates their civil rights.

-Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

-New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

-Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

-IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

-Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

8 comments:

*.:JeNn JeNn:.* said...

haha... I liked this one!
thanks for the last laugh of Jan 2007!

Sonia:) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sonia:) said...

oh man, those were REALLY funny.

Thanks, Amanda.

Anonymous said...

-France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Yeah mon!

trazomfreak said...

I'm glad to supply one of your daily pokes of humor.

Steve said...

Thanks for the laugh.

Anonymous said...

The internet is a great tool! I am your old friend from MTB. De Anna Soto. I remember that you were Snow White for Halloween one year and I went to your church for a Halloween party. If you want, email me: dsoto909@adelphia.net

trazomfreak said...

You have no idea how much I've thought of you over the years! Wow!

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